I'm sure that those of you who've been following this blog for a while will have noticed a big change in tone around here over the last couple of years -- and I don't just mean that there's green where there used to be navy blue. My writings used to be dominated by posts about Christianity. Taking a peek at the October 2005 page, for example, you'll see that most of my posts in that month were about faith and related issues. But even given my more sporadic 2009-style blogging habits, direct talk about Christianity is an increasingly rare topic in this corner of the web. So what gives?
In one sense, the explanation is simple. I used to blog about Christianity a lot because I used to think about issues surrounding Christianity on a daily basis. But now those issues are very rarely on my mind, so I have few thoughts to blog on.
But obviously that's not the full story. The bare truth -- (I can't think of a delicate way to put it) -- is this: insofar as 'being a Christian' entails having any beliefs, thoughts, feelings, etc, directed towards God, Jesus, Church, etc, I am no longer a Christian. And it seems pretty clear to me that being a Christian does entail those things. So I no longer consider myself a Christian.
I came to this realisation about six months ago in conversation with an ex-Christian friend. The process was a gradual one that I wasn't fully aware of as it went on. My diagnosis is this: Christianity simply petered out in my life to the point where it was no longer important to me. A key factor for me is that I've felt very little emotion about the process. I couldn't honestly say that I miss being a Christian, and nor do I feel sad about the 'transformation'.
I should point out that I don't consider this to be the result of intellectual factors -- i.e. Christianity hasn't been philosophised out of me. There wasn't a 'deconversion event', I didn't suddenly become convinced by atheistic arguments, etc. I am not an atheist. I'm not even sure if I'm an agnostic. In fact, I couldn't tell you anything that I positively believe about God.
I haven't yet talked about this to anyone outside of Leeds. I've been worried about reactions of disappointment -- especially from those who invested a lot of time and effort in my faith when I was in my late teens. But I thought it was about time I talked about it here, to explain the changes that you've no doubt noticed anyway. I realise that some of you read/linked to this blog because of its Christian focus, so I guess that the appeal will be significantly lessened now.
I'm sure there's much more to say, but that will do for now.
Last updated
3 hours ago
5 comments:
I think from the point of view of reading your blog that makes it MORE interesting because now your cards are on the table you can blog about the process and explore what it means? And I agree, it had been apparent that something had happened. And I guess thank you for your honesty about that.
Something to consider: you have talked about God and obviously thought through how you think and feel about him. What about yourself as a being- do you believe you have a spiritual side? Is there a spiritual response inside you to nature/music/art? If the answer is yes or I think so then I think that needs exploring. Sometimes we are too keen to label things as 'Christian', 'secular', etc. I would worry that in moving away from 'Christian' that you don't explore all you bundle with the concept of 'Christian-ness'.
Personally I believe this is just the time to think more about these issues and blog about them (but you probably don't have the time!)
Hope your parents and others at SA are OK about this but they've probably known for some time...
Thanks for your honesty Carl, and I'd echo Helsalata's comments.
Kinda thought this had been on the cards for more than 6 months - so this is kinda a surprise that it's only 6 months!
Still looking forward to your musings! ;)
Thanks for the comments. I'll certainly give some thought to the issues you mention, and maybe I'll blog about them sometime in the near future. :)
Well done for putting it out there hun, still really enjoy reading your blog!! Hope all is well at your end :) x
As has already been said by others here, well done on your honesty, Carl. This declaration of sorts actually strikes me as a fairly interesting and exciting development both in your own life journey as well as your blog. I look forward to any possible future posts which explore the transition and where it will take you.
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